It might be funnier when said aloud, but this would be quite the comical tour.
So, after I posted the We bought a Kazoo poster that I whipped up yesterday, I thought why not make a couple more of these. Here are some movies that could possibly be entertaining…or not.
Sarah Palin says she can see Russia from her front porch. Now Steve Carrell can see an even colder place from the comfort of his own couch.
The sequel, in the vein of such horror film classics as Halloween, has essentially nothing to do with the original.
I think you get it.
If all goes as planned, you can expect a few more of these in the coming days.
Hello all, I know it’s been awhile. I kind of fell off the dlist wagon a little prematurely. Many unpublished fart jokes and broken promises later, I’m offering up a gem I thought up over the weekend. ENJOY. Oh, and hope you had happy holidays and all that nonsense.
Yet another delay of content; however, this week is a little more founded as I’ve been in New York for the past week. Many Sabrett hotdogs later, I’m finally offering the juiciest list yet, even juicier than the stuffed burger I ate in the city. Once again, I found far too many flatulent films to offer up a simple top 10 list. Just like last time, I’m going to go ahead and post the Top 10 today, and hopefully 11-20 will go up tomorrow. Here’s your…
Top 10 Movie Titles that Double as Names for Farts:
10. THE SOLOIST
Just like the best rippers in history, sounds fantastic but smells like an underpass sewer pipe.
9. HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN DAYS
More like how to lose a guy in ten seconds.
8. DRUNKEN MASTER
I know I’ll never be dated raped because sleep-fart like nobody’s business.
7. THE BIG HEAT
Is it hot in here, or did I just crap myself?
6. SOUTHLAND TALES
I had trouble putting this on the fart list, cause this movies is pure shit.
I’ve sent my fair share of girls panting as they hustle down the street.
4. THE BIG GREEN
Maybe this would’ve been better on the poop list. Oh yeah, I’m doing a poop list soon.
3. THE MIST
I’d say that’s more of a cloud. A mist just leaves a little butt-pee in the creases.
I hear the army used to only give you one pair of tightie-whities per week. And that’ll give a rash worth screaming about.
1. GIRL INTERRUPTED
“What can I say? I was feeling relaxed.”
This week I’m finally breaking away from the D Lists to bring you the very first V List. No, it isn’t a list of all your lame friends who still can’t get laid. It isn’t even a list of my lame friends who can’t get laid. It’s the Top 10 Movie Titles that Could Double as Names for Vaginas. Just like with the Dick Lists, I wanted to avoid the most obvious candidates: The Box, The Cave, The Eye, The Birdcage, Deep Impact, and yes, even Snatch.
10. IT’S COMPLICATED
Penises may be strange, but at least we know what everything does.
9. TORN CURTAIN
Second only to “bearded axe wound.”
I understand some girls don’t shave regularly, but come on! Really?
7. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Barren, dusty, and extremely bloody.
6. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
When you don’t, they leave you with a broken heart and bruised ribs.
5. THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Crown of thorns! Bam. Done. Moving on.
4. BLOOD DIAMOND
Djimon in! The water’s warm.
3. FOOLS RUSH IN
…and real men pull out.
2. THE HURT LOCKER
“Don’t cut anything. Just get the hell out of there. Run, dumb-ass! RUN!!!
1. THE WEDDING PLANNER
“Baby, are you pregnant?”
“Yes. Yes, I am.”
“Be a lot cooler if you weren’t.”
Honorable Mentions: Hidden Fortress, The Sandlot, The Bone Collector
I haven’t updated in a while, which is somewhat intentional. I certainly don’t want to exhaust my list repertoire too soon; however, I had no plans of waiting quite so long to offer up 11-20 of the top movie titles that could double as rather unfortunate names for a jimmy.
Speaking of lap rockets, if you haven’t already you should check out this sweet local band’s first demo track. It’s none other than Dry Heeves with the hit, “Bicurious Snacker.” Endure the silence that follows because “TAKE a piss” is also totally worth a listen.
Back to the topic at hand. I am going to try my best to update the site every Monday, so keep an eye out for the newest hottest list. Since there were just way too many good titles for bad dick names, I decided a top 10 just wasn’t enough. So here’s this week’s list: The Top 11-20 Movie Titles that are also Unfortunate Wiener Names.
Star Wars Episode I: THE PHANTOM MENACE
Anakin gets a lot taller in Episode II, but I don’t think he gets any bigger.
The only worse pronoun would be “her.”
18. CRY BABY
Johnny Depp making this list is almost as surprising as Ryan Reynolds not making it. God, I hate Ryan Reynolds.
17. THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You’re going to see this one again.
16. THE THIN RED LINE
“This is average where I come from.”
15. THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE
Really? He was definitely there in Monster’s Ball.
14. FAST TIMES
at Ridgemont High
I could totally go 15 minutes.
13. CHILD’S PLAY
I’m not sure if that means it’s miniature or it’s meant to be played with by toddlers. Both sound dangerous though.
12. STAGE FRIGHT
Hopefully the show is worth the wait.
11. HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
This is so bad that even the government has a list for it.
Honorable Mentions: Little Big League, Doubt, Run Lola Run, The Color Purple
So, the content just keeps coming. Today’s list is basically a sequel of sorts to yesterday’s formulation of film phallus. Here are your top 10
Movie Titles That Would Be Unfortunate Names for a Penis
10. GET SHORTY
Is that a snub nose?
9. OLD YELLER
Did you think I was just going to post a picture of yellow dog?
Couldn’t find any suitable screenshots from the actual film, so here’s two substitutes to make up for it.
7. DR. DOLITTLE*
“Wait a minute, Steve Irwin. You’re saying that’s average size?”
*I have a one Eddie Murphy movie per list limit. Sorry Nutty Professor. Maybe next time.
6. I’M NOT THERE
I think they chose this title because the best Bob Dylan in the film sits down to pee.
5. A RAISIN IN THE SUN
“I swear, I normally don’t have this problem.”
Puff Daddy is ironically going to be on the Rappers with Dick Names list
4. GONE IN 60 SECONDS
Is wine-wang anything like whiskey-dick? If so, then I understand why he’s so lonely.
2. NEVER BEEN KISSED
You know you would if the opportunity presented itself.
1. MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
Much like the response to Keanu Reeves’s acting.
I’m skipping the honorable mentions for this one since 11-20 are forthcoming.